Cracks in my Crooked Collar

[P. Mortuus]

Cracks in my Crooked Collar



So the world became crooked- no love only movement
Silken sheets to cover what goes on underneath- excuse them
Brittle bones- so fragile that deceit blew away the pig’s house
The girl became a bitch as she ploughed through riches proud
She was content with being a digger digging for a rare picture
since love was never there….false smiles were a constant fixture

Her nails long- polished; manicured ready to sign another cheque
cause her husband’s inept, so she pays for some love instead,
this world’s a fast place at a fast pace in a fast lane with a fast gain
but what of fast pain that lasts days till all that remains is a past stained
and her daughter she’s sad, romancing romance, romanticizing her guy
cause he’s a cokehead who deals meth, only to let his drug habit get by
Same way God said Fuck it; he toked and let drama unfold
Feeling of dealing with an old flame was a no game for God who told
Many a blind man stories of gold, Atlantis and false glory
Only to Bring Adam to Earth, Adam took the L….left with gory

So we were raised as bastards, ready to be cannibals
Eat sheep just to go to sleep, and wacked off to illicit parables
There isn’t a twist, or life after death but life’s always after death
Chasing it- till all that’s left, is a coffin and false tears that are wept
There isn’t no love lost, as love was never hear
Shouting at empty space, awaiting to be lent an ear
A heart to beat, some lungs to breathe
Legs to walk, and some genitals to breed
Cause we need to produce some fruit that’s fresh
Cause the current generation is high….high on death.

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-389544.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-389468.html

[Ntalek]

Damn yo..This piece was fucking dope..I really enjoyed the overall tone of this piece...along with the usual likes of baron's writing like wording and placement..by looking at the title I thought this would be something entirely different...but the reality of what you were saying makes this piece that much doper..and it wasn't really what you said but it was moreso how you said it in this piece...it seem'd to have this very grim like emotional feel...with some very descriptive imagery...I loved this piece..it's been a while since i've got excited while leaving feed...and this drop has done it...

this world’s a fast place at a fast pace in a fast lane with a fast gain
but what of fast pain that lasts days till all that remains is a past stained

I thought that this part was beautifully written...and the flow of it didn't seem like the normal baron a tad bit better if I may say so myself..This entire bar really had an effect on me as a reader and pulled me in further from that point on..all in all great fucking drop man..I really enjoyed the read so much that I read it twice..and the ending is was really put the nail in the coffin..good shit nom'd.

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks.

[Nahlidge]

This was a nice read. I liked how you flipped ur rhyme scheme up and used a lot of inners in a couple parts. Thought it was nicely done at the right place for this piece. Content wise you had some dope ideas. The "sheep/sleep" was prolly my favorite. And the "coke/meth" was dope too. Cuz it`s real. I`ve seen it plenty times. Not necessarily dealin` with coke and meth but you know what I mean. Good shit.

[Keeby Swaggz]

nice... shit is deep, I like your approach on the topic... it's poetic but at the same time still feels grimy... flow is real smooth, good rhyme schemes and some subtle multies here and there... good work...

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks.

[P. Mortuus]

above the disses!

[country]

^^ill help wit that



So the world became crooked- no love only movement
Silken sheets to cover what goes on underneath- excuse them
Brittle bones- so fragile that deceit blew away the pig’s house
The girl became a bitch as she ploughed through riches proud
thats nice man, esp the last line

She was content with being a digger digging for a rare picture
since love was never there….false smiles were a constant fixture
its kinda bland to me here


Her nails long- polished; manicured ready to sign another cheque
cause her husband’s inept, so she pays for some love instead,
nice

this world’s a fast place at a fast pace in a fast lane with a fast gain
but what of fast pain that lasts days till all that remains is a past stained
i wanted to get to this line, this was FUCKIN RAW, wish the whole thing was this way


and her daughter she’s sad, romancing romance, romanticizing her guy
cause he’s a cokehead who deals meth, only to let his drug habit get by
Same way God said Fuck it; he toked and let drama unfold
Feeling of dealing with an old flame was a no game for God who told
lost flow for me a bit here

Many a blind man stories of gold, Atlantis and false glory
Only to Bring Adam to Earth, Adam took the L….left with gory
this was raw man

So we were raised as bastards, ready to be cannibals
Eat sheep just to go to sleep, and wacked off to illicit parables
lmfao

There isn’t a twist, or life after death but life’s always after death
Chasing it- till all that’s left, is a coffin and false tears that are wept
uhhh

There isn’t no love lost, as love was never hear
Shouting at empty space, awaiting to be lent an ear
A heart to beat, some lungs to breathe
Legs to walk, and some genitals to breed
Cause we need to produce some fruit that’s fresh
Cause the current generation is high….high on death
man the ending was nice, last 6 lines was my fav prolly


over all this was nice man, wrote really werll, story was sick


well done

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks, I appreciate that.

[P. Mortuus]

...

[P. Mortuus]

last up.

[Cody Nash]

So we were raised as bastards, ready to be cannibals
Eat sheep just to go to sleep, and wacked off to illicit parables
There isn’t a twist, or life after death but life’s always after death
Chasing it- till all that’s left, is a coffin and false tears that are wept

^^^damn lol. that life after death line is sick... REALLY deep shit there. that line alone killed the entire piece for me in a good way haha... I was just like FUUUUUUCK... that was a home run right there. nothing was really bad at all with this piece, and you switched up the flow flawlessly everywhere... that part with the internals was ill too, fast place/fast lane/fast pace, or whatever... that was smoothe as hell and kept things interesting... slipped it in there quite nicely. concept was coo. just a dope, well-rounded piece my dude... worth the read. I really dug it.




get any time, look up "The Pot" on the front page...